Needles
by ClassyClassic16
Summary: The Cold War, The 1950's and 1960's. John F. Kennedy. Lyndon B. Johnson, Communist paranoia, medical testing, mental institutions. In the midst of all the hype, she sits alone, in her cold metal box.
1. The Box

**Hello all, and yes another story. This is an interesting one, I have it all written, except the last few chapters. It will be in the same style as Break Me, which is a write-and-go story, so I will update it as quickly as possible. **

**After everything I've been dealing with, this is a story about not really knowing yourself. It's set in the 1960's, and Jane has been subject to medical testing. That is the main plot, and it will just deal with her learning to be herself again. **

**So, if anyone reads this, thank you :) Have a wonderful week, and Enjoy!**

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Wherever she was, it was a cold room, with a small bed and no windows. Wait… there was a window. It was far above her head, and she couldn't reach it even if she stood on the bed. It was also barred and much too small for her to fit through.

She twisted her hair around her fingers, tugging to hard every so often, looking at the door and slowly rocking. This white dress was the ugliest thing she had worn, and it was thin. She would be able to see through it if a light was shined on her. Outside, she didn't hear anything. They must be in a section away from everyone.

Where was she anyway? This cold chrome box was so claustrophobic; she could feel the walls coming closer. She leaned against the door, looking at everything around her. The days had passed into months, and in this little room, they seemed the same. She had been taken out, but she couldn't remember what for. Nothing made sense here, in this world. She couldn't say what this world was; it was unknown and incredibly strange.

A slit in the door opened, and she jumped away from it, blinking at the bright light coming from her. The scars on her hands preoccupied her, and she studied them slowly before the metal tray bumped against her feet. She looked at the pencils and paper, instructions printed on a card in simple typing.

"d…dra….draw…." She could barely get the words out, her hands and jaw shaking too harshly. She pressed herself against the door again, rocking herself slowly, her hands covering her eyes. Her small cries were inaudible, and she finally calmed down enough to look at the paper again.

Draw memories, draw inspiration. Write something. Allow people to see what was in your head. She read and reread the instructions, biting her nails to the skin. She gingerly picked up the pencil and drew a crude house. Beside that she sketched a woman and 3 men. She couldn't remember any names, but the faces stuck out sharply before they faded away.

Maybe this was where she was supposed to be. She smiled at the picture, sliding it under the mattress quickly as she heard the tumblers in the door start to shift. She covered her eyes to the light, pushing up against the wall until they grabbed her.


	2. The Treatment

**Hello again everyone :) **

**Glad to see people are showing an interest in this story. Thanks to **

**-beccaA (good call with the character :) )**

**-xXXRizzlesXXx (Thank you!)**

**-happykt (I love her as well! Hollywood isn't the same as it used to be) **

**for reviewing, and the wonderful people following this story. I've just had a fascination with this era's paranoia. I understand why people romanticize the 50's and 60's, but it isn't practical. **

**Moving on, here's the new chapter, enjoy!**

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The large padding was in her mouth quickly, her limbs tied to the table. She felt them rubbing something on her temples and a large prick on her arm.

"Just relax, this is just another test." The man's voice was incredibly loud, and she screamed, the stuffing blocking out the sound. The jolt of electricity through her body made it jump like a puppet, her eyes nearly rolling back in her skull. Foam appeared at the corners of her mouth, and she shook.

The current stopped rolling, and she fell onto the table, the smell of burning skin coming off her head. The padding was removed from her mouth, and the saliva was blotted away. In the drug induced haze, words slithered into her head. Headphones were resting in place, pumping the sounds into her brain, and every motion she tried to make in this colorful paranoia was slow and hindered.

Eventually, the bright lights of the room found her again, and as she blearily opened her eyes, her body was jumping off the table, the padding quickly inserted into her mouth and she felt her jaw lock around it.

Slamming back onto the table, she felt the people try to pull out whatever was stuck in her mouth and a red hot pain. She tasted something other than the endless array of pills and drugs, something more colorful than the food she was given.

"My dear, you've lost a tooth," a strong man's voice spoke to her, and she tried to make out the people among the plastic in the room, but all seemed like blurry, faceless figures.

"We should be more careful with the patients' doctor; they are to be tested for the greater good." A woman's voice this time, she ran her tongue over the hole of ripped skin.

"You're sounding like a communist nurse, should I report you as well?" the man spoke again and she shook her head viciously. Quickly, her mouth was stuffed with cotton balls and another jolt was sparking through her temples. "Get this woman back to her room and analyze how she responds to commands after the sounding treatment. She should be more docile after those hours."

Echoes hit her head and she felt the buckles around her limbs be pulled off, and wind brushed on her face. Wind, such a welcome feeling. The metal box had no wind, no sun. Just lights for half the time and dark for the other half.

"Maybe if he did these things properly, we wouldn't need continuous subjects." The woman's voice muttered lowly and she chuckled. It was stupid for her to be a tester. In school, she never tested well. School, such a vague memory now, hidden behind the walls in her head like everything else.

"N-n-never…" She said slowly, her voice failing her. Her brain was too, but everything was failing now.

"You never what" She heard the clang of the door to the box and the bed underneath her back. Another faceless person was in front of her. "You never liked testing?"

"N-n-never…" What was she trying to say to this woman? Hello? Maybe she should greet the only person who had spoken more than a procedure to her. "H-h-hell-hello" She managed to sputter out, only one word at a time and even that took extreme effort.

"Hi…" The facial details watered briefly. "Who are you in there, behind the drugs and EST. Who were you before?"

"H-h-hello." The word became more solid. She tried to keep her head up, but she was tired.

"Maybe I can try something. I just need you to stay here a little longer." The weight of the person got off the bed, and she heard the tumblers clicking. The door locked again, and she curled up in the little metal box, waiting for the next treatment.


	3. The Therapy

**Not a large note this time, but here is chapter 3**

**Enjoy!**

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"What is your name?" The man's voice looked at her from across the table and she blinked, her eyes opened fully, but no face appearing. Only blurry shadows.

She opened her mouth, but closed it again, unsure of what to say. She had forgotten that a long time ago, but they always ask her it first. Her hands were on the table and they start shaking painfully fast.

"Alright, we'll move on," His voice is extremely loud inside her head, "just like last time." She blinked, unsure of how to take that. He thinks she's stupid. Everyone here thinks she's stupid. She was intelligent once, but all the treatments had gotten rid of that. All the drugs and everything. Some days she's lucid, but those are rare. "Why were you chosen for this?"

"P-pa-pain…" She whispered, the centers of her hands burning, shaking again. She closed her eyes, biting her lip harshly.

"Can you be more specific?" The man sounded angry, but she didn't say anything. She held out her hands, palms up. "Use your words patient."

She stuttered with a response, her teeth clacking together from the twitches. She tried to shake her head, but stopped, afraid of a seizure. The chair was cold to the touch and she felt it through her thin uniform.

"Moving on," The scratching of the pencil is loud, throbbing going through her head. "Can you speak more than one word at a time, or are we both just wasting time and energy here?"

"I-I….. do-don't…." The words take an eternity to get out and after everything, she blinked, no face appearing yet. The watery shape quivered as he stood, slamming the clipboard down on the table. She reached out to touch it, but he slapped her hand harshly, and she pulled away.

"Speak goddammit! You were supposed to be my prodigy, my special case. You weren't locked in this madhouse for a reason, you were a gift. A natural brain, a human brain without ailments and look at you! If you hadn't been so rowdy, you could've been service to a god." The voice yelled, and in her head, it was sped up, and agonizingly loud. She curls onto the chair, hands over her ears. "Nurse! Get in here; I'm done with this one. Another round of shock to stop that infernal shaking."

"Where are you going?" The same voice as before appears, and she doesn't know how many days have passed since she heard it. She runs her tongue over the gum where her tooth used to be, a nervous habit again.

"I'm retiring for the day, see to it the patients get their medication and inform me about this one… my prodigy… bullshit." Stomps echo through her head and the door shuts, the scraping of the chair occurring once again and she looks up, seeing another watery figure there.

"What's your name," The voice is calmer, and it's a woman this time. She slowly uncurls, but her knees are still up to her chest. She struggles again, and the voice stops her. "You don't know, do you?"

She shakes her head slowly, the shaking stopping.

"Why were you brought here?" Again, she raises her palms, showing off the large scars in the center. "You were hurt?"

She nods, afraid of this one as well. She wasn't as loud or as rough as the others, but she had power. That was just as dangerous.

"Why did you stay as a subject? Did you want to?" She doesn't know how to respond to that, her hands becoming shaky again. How could she remember decisions made eons ago when she couldn't remember her own name? "Is it you can't answer, or you can't speak…"

She rubs her eyes quickly, pulling hair away from her face before it drops back like a curtain. The face shows the prominent features before blurring again. "You're not getting EST when I'm treating you." She didn't know how to take that, not trusting anyone who had given her such burns on her head. "You don't know who I am either. I didn't want to do this… playing nurse to a butcher. I was supposed to be a doctor."

Slowly the scraping of the chair echoed again, all noise seemed to amplify. A hand was on her shoulder and she shied away from it, the touch not harsh. "Come; let's get you back to the room. I'll see if I can find something to help you sleep."


	4. The Lobotomy

**I'm back, yes again. This is basically a story to keep writers block for happening for too long, but I'm enjoying it and hopefully you are too! or at least intrigued by it. Just a clarification, yes Jane is the patient, and there's a reason for only using pronouns now. Apologies if it get's a bit confusing.**

**So, thanks to beccaA for reviewing twice :) I hope you like this chapter as well, and hopefully the character introductions are fluid. Fingers crossed!**

**Many thanks to the wonderful people who follow this story. **

**Enjoy! **

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She yawned, looking around the room with bleary eyes. For a moment, she thought she was home, although she didn't exactly know where that was. The tumblers immediately started shifting and she pressed up against the wall, the hard mattress still underneath her.

A bleary shape stood in the doorway, and she felt a hand grab her around the wrist. She gasped, trying to pull away and almost succeeding before she was grabbed around the other arm, and a sting appeared on her thigh. She nearly fell over into the person's lap, feeling the carrier underneath her soon, the padding warm.

In the fog she stuck out her hand, petting something warm, with fur, and a slobbering tongue rolling across the top of her hand. She watched as the creature ran away, and moaned, her eyes so compromised that she couldn't see anything clearly anymore.

The lights were hard and sharp as she stared at them, her arms pinned beside her.

"Doctor, I've already paid to take this patient off your hands," A loud voice was plaguing her again, and as she tried to cover her ears, her arms were stopped by padded cuffs.

"I know that, I'm just trying to calm her down a little." Clanging of metal instruments happened again, and slowly she realized what was happening. This was one of those surgeries she had heard about, ages ago, in the recesses of her head. They would clean out her mind and make her limp again. She tried to pull her hands out of the cuffs, but the faded pads were wearing away and the metal beneath was cutting her wrists.

"I don't want you to do that. If I can rehabilitate this patient, it's exactly what I could use for my doctorate; I could prove my thesis and I can finally graduate. I already paid the money upfront, she's my patient now." The voices were arguing, but she didn't know who was yelling what. She moaned, not too loudly, but the voices were blending and she just wanted to go back to the box. "I've already spoken to the family, Doctor Pike, and they have given me full consent. You have no choice."

The loud clanging of metal on metal echoed in her mind and she cried out, her head swimming with the sound. A door slammed further off, and she looked up at the lights blinding her. The cuffs were ripped off her hands and she slammed her palms against her ears, the blood from the cuts staining her skin.

"We have to get you cleaned up." She felt a cold cloth on her wrists and her first instinct was to shy away further. "Let's just get you out of here, I have a house that we can stay at and I have spoken to your family. I know you probably don't understand this right now, but I can treat whatever he has shot into your veins with something better than his clinic can provide."

"M-m- f-family?" She stuttered, trying to piece together two words in one go. She understood it fairly simply, although the next shock therapy would probably ruin whatever brain function she had left.

"Yes," The woman, the bleary image was grabbing her hands as she felt pressed to the table, gravity affecting her harshly. "Yes, you have a family. You have a life out of here. You were in the legal field; your mother told me that. You wanted to be a police officer, but the department wouldn't let you. You have a working brain in there, and I intended to find it Jane."

The name sounded oddly familiar, and she looked up at the blurred image with big eyes. She froze, her hands dropping as the other woman let go. She wanted to find herself as much as this woman did, but she didn't know where to start.

"Can you stand?" A hand was behind her back but her head was throbbing as she sat up. She fell back onto the table, moaning as she pressed her hands to her red temples. "It's ok, we'll wait for the drugs to wear off. Let's go back to your room in the meantime; I'll make sure no one tries to give you therapy."


	5. The Outside

**Hi everyone! *waves***

**Well, I've been on vacation, so there's my excuse for not updating, and I'm sorry. I like this story, and I like that you guys like this story :)**

**beccaA - I updated again :) with the family, well, there's mentions but Jane has to be ready to see them again. So they'll be arriving soon enough**

**cuoro-sportivo - thanks! I have this story completed already, I just have to remember to update it..."**

**Vixenu - Thank you!**

**So thanks to the reviewers, and to the lovely people who follow and favourite this story. Have a wonderful week. **

**Enjoy!**

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She leaned hunched over in the wheelchair, her stringy dark hair falling in front of her face. The woman who had spoken to her through the time on the table was pushing her again, she could tell by the hair color. She looked at the scars in her hands, wondering if this nurse or doctor or whatever could tell her what caused them.

"You're going to have to learn to speak again. The first round of your EST harmed that part of your brain. That idiot doctor refused to turn the voltage down." The woman stopped the wheelchair and pushed open a door. The lights weren't as bright as usual, and the ground texture wasn't tile. It was…pavement. Something she hadn't seen in a long time. She slowly stood up, the pavement rough under her bare feet and she looked around at the cars.

"Do you know where we are?" The questions weren't probing, but she was getting used to them. She nodded her head, looking down the garage at the bright colors of the cars.

"P-p-par-parking." She spat out, smiling, turning at the woman behind the wheelchair.

"What else? What are you feeling?" The woman handed the wheelchair to another mass, and she looked back at the cars in the distance.

"B-br-brother." She got out again, looking at the cars and thinking of a dark haired man. She didn't know how the word came out of her mouth, but she went with it.

"You have a brother, yes. You have 2 of them actually. Do they like cars?" The woman puts her hands on her shoulders and she shrugs. "You don't remember, do you?"

She shakes her head, and hears the sigh. "That's alright; we have plenty of time to fix whatever that drug cocktail broke. He tested his new drugs on you, new sedatives, truth serums, pumped your head full of noise for almost 2 months straight with those headphones. Do you remember that?" She shook her head again, remembering on and off noise for the entire time she had been there. Wherever there was, everything was an endless line of white tile and chrome bars.

"Welcome to the 1960's Jane," The woman led her over to car, and she looked at the door handles before slowly stepping into the pink vehicle. Everything she remembered, and yet, at the same time, she had no idea. "I hope you enjoy it, I don't know how long you've missed out on life outdoors."

The engine ignited, and she jumped in her seat, plugged her ears quickly. She looked over at the woman behind the wheel and saw the hand coming out to her. "I'm sorry; I forgot how loud noises often startle you. I have earplugs, outside is typically very noisy." She looked down at the earplugs in the woman's palm, taking them slowly.

"N-n-name?" She tried to make it sound like a question, and as the woman drove, she looked forward at the pavement.

"Me? Well, my name is Maura Isles. Can you remember that?" The woman looked at her momentarily, and she nodded. "Good, you'll remember yours in time… or at least, grow accustomed to it. Do you want to see your family?" She shook her head. "That's understandable, you might want to close your eyes, the sun is brighter than any lights inside the clinic."

The woman was right; she covered her eyes with her hands, the roar of traffic suddenly hitting her full force. She plugged her ears, shutting her eyes tightly. She felt the movement of the car and the wind on her face from the open windows, and she smiled, inching her face towards the window. It was nice to feel the breeze, the fresh air… and flowers. She could smell flowers again.


	6. The New House

**Hello again :)**

**I'm updating! And I'm getting ready to update a lot of my other stories, so things are finally moving along. I'm proud of myself, and that's so weird because I never feel like that. **

**Thanks to:**

**beccaA - Thanks! Glad you're enjoying this!**

**Vixenu - Thank you! It was a good vacation. I went to Nova Scotia, and it's a beautiful place. I love Canada.**

**db - Thank you, hopefully the story progresses well. **

**and many thanks to those who read the story, and thank you all for the follows and favourites. Hope you all have a wonderful week, and enjoy!**

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She looked at the large house, wondering where are the fancy equipment was. She had been in a car for what felt like the first time in her life, but she knew that was improbable. The sunlight was dimmed by her thick sunglasses that the woman… that _Maura _had given to her. She was out in the real world again, with no recollection on who she was, and a limited vocabulary.

"W-where?" She turned to Maura, still stuttering.

"This is my house. You'll be staying with me for the time being. I'm studying to be a doctor, and my main thesis is that EST is harmful in cases that are not as severe." The woman… _Maura_… she had to remember that, spoke to her. She set down the large bags at her feet and stuck out her hand, palm up. "You were admitted into the hospital because of what happened with the pain in your hands, and he convinced your family that you were something special to test on."

She nodded, looking around. Everything was sharply in focus. The colors were more pastel than she had seen before, but she could see everything vividly. The effects lingered, and her eyes must've widened as she took off the glasses slowly.

"I know you won't remember any of this in the morning. Records have shown with all the drugs taken, you have very little short term memory…" The woman trailed off, and she didn't say anything. "But I'm going to try and fix that. The secret is practice, repetition." She nodded continuing down into the house looking in each room.

One had a solid wooden desk, and she ran her hands across it. She looked at the books beside it, picking one up. _The Expressions of Emotion Between Man and Animals, _the cover read and she opened the pages, looking at the words. Reading was no trouble, but this was strange writing. Free thought perhaps, something she couldn't remember.

"That's by Charles Darwin; he created the theory of evolution. That book is primarily about behaviour. Have you heard of him before?" The woman was leaning in the doorway and she shrugged. The name sounded familiar, but she couldn't remember. "Did you have a faith system before you lost your memory?" Again she shrugged. She could remember going to church at some point in her life, but she couldn't remember when exactly.

She took the book with her, wandering into the other rooms, one with a fairly large television set, another which was clearly the kitchen, with a door leading into the backyard and she squinted at the light coming through. She stopped at the room with a large table, a record player beside it, and various sheets and pictures spread on it.

"This is where we'll be doing the rehabilitation, with various things of course. I'm not here to sculpt you into something that I want you to be. I want to teach you to think by yourself, to question things again." The woman brought her over and she looked at the large sheets of paper, many pencils beside it. "I know you can't speak well, but I figured you could write out your thoughts, and we could go from there."

She nodded, picking up a pencil and setting the book down. In rough writing she wrote out on the paper _Ask me a question _and handed it to the woman.

"Alright," The woman's face came into focus again, before flickering away and her eyes widened before the watery puddle replaced it. "Do you remember your first night in the clinic?"

She thought of the endless days and nights in the room, in the therapy wing, on the table with the padding in her mouth. She shook her head, nothing was coming to her. The other woman sighed, and she looked up. "s-s-sorry."

"Don't apologize, this will take time." The woman stood. "I'll get you something to eat."


	7. The Face

**Hello! Here's another chapter. Yay!**

**cuore-sportivo - I know, I was reading it again, and it was short. Sorry about that**

**Vixenu - Thank you so much!**

**Thanks much to the lovely people who follow and favourite this story! It is much appreciated, believe me! **

**Without further ado, enjoy!**

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She woke up with a start, looking around to another light coming through the window. The moon was so bright now, and she panted heavily, looking up at the ceiling. This bed was warmer than the one before, but she still didn't know where she was, only a plan.

"Are you alright, I head knocking on the wall," She turned quickly, seeing a woman in the doorway and she pushed up against the wall. "No, no don't do that." She pulled the covers up to her chest as the woman came closer, trying not to break down as the bed sunk under added weight. "My name is Maura Isles. You don't remember this because of the short term memory loss. I'm here to help you."

"W—where?" She tried to spit out a second word, only getting mixed syllables.

"You're at my house; I'm trying to help you after the serious medical experiments performed on you. I had your family discharge you because of the voluntary admission, and now we're trying to fix your brain." In the dark lighting, she could see details on the woman's face, contours of stress lines, hazel eyes. Maura looked at her, and she nodded. "You understand, or you remember?"

"U-u-under—stand." She saw the looked of disappointment on Maura's face, remembering something that must've happened recently. "P-p—paper."

She watched as Maura jumped from the bed, handing her a sheet of paper and a pencil. She wrote out the words in messy writing, _I can see your face_.

"What does this mean Jane?" Maura looked up at her, and she grabbed the paper again, writing out a response to that.

_People's faces are always blurry. I don't know why. I don't know what happened to me in there, I don't know who I am. I can see your face clearly. It's not just a blur_. She handed the sheets to Maura, and watched as the woman looked at her curiously.

"I've never heard of something like this." Maura looked down at the paper, studying it. "Perhaps it's a coping mechanism to what you've had to endure. Why now though, why can you see me now, in this type of light, if it is light."

They looked at each other silently. "Is it because of the bright lights in the clinic? Association with that reminds you of the people who hurt you?"

She shrugged. She had never really examined her own mind; other people did it for her. She looked at the table beside her bed, and saw the book by Darwin, a bookmark halfway through it. Maura picked it up, showing it to her. "Do you remember anything you read?"

She shook her head, grabbing the paper, _a little bit, the general concept. No details_. She smiled a little as Maura smiled, almost laughed.

"This is great. Do you know why this is amazing?" Maura grabbed her tightly and she shook her head, waiting for the woman to calm down, her hands over her ears quickly. "Sorry, sorry, I won't yell again. But this is amazing. You have something in there, you have a short term memory. Somewhere in there, I just have to find it."

She nodded, watching Maura's movements. "I'll keep the lights in the house dim, we'll use candles if necessary, tomorrow we can focus on one thing, family or friends or old career aspirations. Something in there, and we can slowly introduce you to loud noises and bright lights again, and people." Maura turned, looking at her. "Jane, isn't this wonderful?"

She stared at Maura blankly, before realization hit the other woman. "You don't remember your own name, do you?" She shook her head, watching Maura's expression fall. "You don't know your own name… I could call you whatever I wanted for as long as I pleased, but it wouldn't do anything for you…"

Maura sat on the bed again, smiling somberly. "It's alright. It's just another roadblock, but your name is Jane. Jane Clementine Rizzoli, that's who you are… and I'm not going to let that person stay quiet," She smiled softly, nodding as Maura hugged her, and she jumped at the touch, but didn't shy away. "I will find you Jane."


	8. The Reward

**Putting up 2 updates this time, hopefully both are good.**

**Enjoy!**

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She spent the morning whittling off names of things, writing them down over and over in Maura's hope to keep them stuck in her mind. She read through the book by Darwin, curled on the couch while Maura watched TV.

"Maybe we should try speaking a bit, is that alright?" Maura looked at her, and she looked up from her book with big eyes, nodding. "Are you sure?" She nodded again. It didn't really matter. She was going to have to learn to speak without shaking sooner or later. The lights were extremely dim, blinds drawn and candles lit. Maura's face was clear.

"Alright, come." She follower Maura back to the other room, sitting at the table again and she waited for Maura to write something on the piece of paper. "I don't think that asking questions and having you formulate a response is a proper way to teach you linguistics, and this is practice, like everything else."

She nodded, looking at the words on the paper. "M-my n-n—na-name" She stuttered slowly, Maura looking over her shoulder, and with no objections, she continued. "i-i-is j-j-j-" Her hands were shaking and she stopped, Maura put a hand on her shoulder.

"Relax, breathe, take as long as you need and finish the sentence." Maura spoke clearly, and she nodded, wanting to make her proud. She inhaled sharply, closing her eyes and focusing.

"My… n-name i-is J-jane R—rrr-Rizzoli."

"Good," Maura hugged her tightly and she opened her eyes, shocked at the sudden touch. "You did it,"

She nodded, smiling. She still didn't identify with the name, but she had gotten through the first simple read, and now she could only go up. "Now this,"

"I-I w-wa-want….. to…. B-be a p-po-police…. o-offi….officer." She smiled, getting out the full sentence in one shot, continuing to practice whatever Maura wrote on the paper.

"Let's have a little celebratory treat," Maura wrote down something in one of her many notebooks and extended her hand. She waited, looking for the go-ahead first and took it, Maura leading her into the kitchen.

She waited as Maura opened the fridge, and brought out a fairly large chocolate cake. "This was supposed to be for when my parents came to visit, but I told them I was busy with someone, and they just skipped over me to go straight to Switzerland. How big a slice would you like?"

As Maura held the knife, she guided it over a fairly large slice, looking at it, her mouth watering. Maura handed her a fork, and the two began to eat. She scarfed it down quickly, smiling at the bursts of flavour that were so different from the horrible food in the clinic and while Maura's cooking was delicious, this was the first time she had tasted chocolate in a long time.

She grabbed at her stomach tightly, feeling the muscles begin to clench.

"Shit." Maura grabbed her as she nearly fell to her knees, and vomited the cake back onto the kitchen floor. Maura held back her hair, and she held her stomach tightly. "I shouldn't have given you that much, I'm sorry… I should've known better."

"S—s-sorry." She stuttered, nothing more coming out.

"Don't apologize," Maura gave her something to drink and she slowly sucked on it. "It's ginger ale, it should calm your stomach. Let's just lie down."

She nodded, leaning heavily on Maura as they went into the other room, and she fell asleep on the couch.


	9. The Revelation

**Hi! Me Again, been doing alright. Finally got into the flow of writing again. Hope you enjoy this update bit. **

**thanks to cuore-sportivo for reviewing :) and thank you to the guests who reviewed. Hope you like this as well.**

**Enjoy!**

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She looked around the room quickly, feeling like she already been to this place. She looked at the wall beside her bed, knocking on the wall in three sharp tones, her hand working on its own. She looked outside, the moon was a crescent in sky and she could see the garden that Maura kept outside.

"You're awake?" Maura was in the doorway, and she nodded. "You remember my name this time, don't you?" She nodded, smiling. "Do you remember your name?"

"J-jane." She looked out the window again; it was still odd associating that name with herself, especially because it felt like she had appeared from nowhere. The clinic was her life, and her memory had been taken.

"Good, that's very good. Your memory hasn't reset as bad in the past few weeks." Maura sat on the edge of the bed, turning on a lamp from her end. "Why do you wake up at this same time, every night?"

She shrugged, looking at the palms of her hands. "M—maybe…. So-some t-thing w-w-with t-this." She held out her palms to Maura, looking at her puzzled face.

"Perhaps, it's a possibility." Maura ran a finger over the scars in her palm and she pulled her hand away quickly. "I'm sorry. Do you think tomorrow I could bring over one of your relatives, perhaps that will trigger something inside your brain? You still don't have any memory of anything outside that clinic?"

"N-nothing." She sighed, pulling over another book from Maura's shelf. She had cut through half the library of medical text over the past few weeks, time blending together because Maura kept the lights dim.

"I think we have to find that trigger. We have to find a connective tissue between who you were, and who you see yourself as now." Maura took the book from her, and frowned. She knew that Maura wanted more eye contact, but she couldn't do it most of the time. "Who do you want to be in life Jane?"

"I….. I d-don't know." She whispered.

"Do you want to find love, to… to have children, or do you want to be a career oriented woman. Who are you," Maura reached up and tapped the side of her head. "In here? What are you inside that head of yours? What's the first thing you want when I ask you that question? Where do you want to be?"

"I-i…." She stuttered, unsure of where to take this. She still couldn't react well to bright lights or loud noises, and she could barely speak, her memory was gone. Maura would be stuck with her for the rest of her life, if she was serious about this rehabilitation. "H-here?"

"You want to stay here?" Maura looked puzzled, watching her intently. "You want to stay here for the rest of your life. That's the first thing that came to you?"

"Y-yes?" She hesitated, questioning her last statement. She watched as Maura stood up, leaning on the bedframe, clearly thinking things through before continuing with her next statement.

"Why?" Maura looked at her and she shrugged. "No, that's not good enough. You need to have a reason to want to say that, and I need to know what it is."

"I-I d-don't… I d-don't k-know." She shrunk into her pillows, watching Maura ball her fists with frustration. The shorter woman closed her eyes, and sat down again.

"This is your personality coming up. You were stubborn, weren't you?" Maura laughed. "You wouldn't know, you can't remember."

"I… i-I c-can't w-w-work n-normally…" She sighed, looking up at Maura, the other woman surprised at her speaking. "I-I'm h-h-here be-because I'm n-not no-normal."

"That doesn't mean you're going to be an invalid for the rest of your life. You already can speak better, your reception to sound is a bit better," Maura bit her lip, "with more work, you'll be able to live by yourself."

"B-but t-t-that's…. I d-don't wa-want too." She looked down at the sheets. She was paranoid of the time when she would be stuck by herself. She would be in her own home, waking up to voices in the night that would speak to her and she wouldn't have anything to calm her down. She didn't want to say how scared she was, and she kept her mouth shut.

"We'll discuss this more in the morning, sleep well Jane." Maura ran fingers through her hair, standing from the bed and left the room.


	10. The Family Visit

**Update part 2**

* * *

"I'm sorry for running out on you last night." Maura sat at the table beside her, and she looked up from the newspaper, shoving the article towards the lady of the house. "What is this?"

"T-the cl-clinic…" She spoke, letting Maura read the article for herself. "M-most of t-the p-p-patients ended u-up w-with the h-head surgery… o-or de-dead. I-I would've b-been o-one of t-t-them."

"This is insane," Maura looked at the list of names. "How many people were killed or lobotomized in that place? I came on towards the end, definitely." She put the paper now and sighed. "I only decided to take you on as a case because I saw your file. You were a normal person Jane. You didn't have these mental diseases, or physical ticks… you were a sane, normal… happy person."

"I-I w-wouldn't know." She smiled as Maura looked at her oddly, before chuckling herself.

"Your personality is coming through even now. You don't see this, do you?" She shook her head, stretching out her arms. "Anyways, I invited your brother over today to see you, so you should go get dressed. I don't know what time he said he'd be here." Maura took her coffee away and she stood, heading back to her bedroom to change.

It was difficult being here; at the same time, it was home. Maybe she had an apartment outside, but she didn't know it. She didn't know her family's names. Her eyes widened at that, and she called down the stairs. "M-Maura! Wh-what's my brother's n-name!"

"Frankie," Maura came up the stairs, still putting on a set of pearl earrings. "You can't wear that again,"

She looked down at herself. The only clothes that fit her here were dresses gifted to Maura that didn't fit, and old menswear. She had managed to fit into one of the dresses. "Why not?"

"I know you clearly have no preference right now, but from what Frankie told me, you hated dresses." Maura tossed her a pair of men's trousers and an old red t-shirt. "And I told him that you vaguely remember who you used to be. He sounded so worried on the phone, I'm sorry. You do remember your childhood, right?"

"S-somewhat." She struggled to get out of the dress and into the new outfit as the doorbell rang, both heading down the stairs. The lights had begun to get brighter the past few months, and the noises had gotten louder, but the most she could hear without crying out were average speaking voices, and the sun was still a bit too bright.

"Hi, you're the doc helping my sis right?" She looked at a tall man with puppy dog black eyes and dark hair, "Janey, you're alive." He hugged her tightly, and she instinctively shied away from the touch. "Janey, Maura told us what they were doing to you in there, and I'm sorry I ever signed you for it."

"I-it's a-alright." She spoke clearly, looking at him. He glanced between her and Maura behind him.

"You can talk!" He grabbed her again, jumping up and down as she slowly curled into a ball.

"Y-yeah, I've b-been doing i-it a lot…" She stepped back from her brother as he put her down, standing beside Maura, her eyes still wide at him.

"Would you like to come inside, I can show you everything I'm doing with Jane and explain it all. I know your family must be worried about her." Maura put a reassuring hand on her back, "You can tell your family of everything of course, but I think it would be best to work in isolation until she gets back on her feet fully,"

"Of course doc, whatever you say." Frankie kicked off his shoes. "So what are you doing with my sis?"


	11. The Knowledge

**Update 3**

* * *

She woke up in a damp sweat, jumping up from the bed and nearly out of the room. The moon was still high in the sky, the fullness of it casting a light on the bedroom. Swinging open her door, she nearly crashed into the railing and a rather large vase before she entered Maura's room, swinging the door with force.

"Jane?" Maura mumbled, turning over and rubbing her eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I-I'm Jane." She said, her voice strong. She watched as Maura slowly sat up in bed, looking at her puzzled. "M-my name… i-is Jane."

"Yes it is…" Maura didn't move, neither did. She leaned on the doorway, waiting for the smaller woman to say something, anything to her. "You know who you are… You know who you are!"

Before she had a chance to do anything, she was tackled by Maura. She grinned; clearly this was a very good thing. Maura began jumping up and down, squealing happily. "You know who you are! You know you're name! Do you know how big a breakthrough this is? This is fantastic!" Maura gripped her by the shoulders, smiling broadly. "What else do you know about yourself?"

"I-I w-was born i-in Boston, h-hated s-school… and I know why I was put there…" She whispered, thinking about the events leading up to the hospital, and the clinical imprisonment.

"Oh…" Maura let go of her, and Jane stayed against the door as she took a small step back. "Why were you put into the clinic?"

"H-he s-stabbed my hands…" She looked down at her palms, seeing the twisted patches of skin and realizing what they were there for. "I-I r-remember w-why."

"Can you please tell me why Jane, I can help you." Maura was looking at her pleadingly, but she shook her head. There was no way she was telling Maura what had happened, not so she could repeat the cycle again. "Please Jane,"

"No." Jane reached out her hand, and gripped the doorknob. "E-everyone I've t-trusted b-betrays me." She silently left the room, slamming the door and going back to her bedroom. She sat on her bed, cracking her knuckles nervously. She remembered why she had been placed in there in the first place, how everyone was worried about her because of her 'current state of mind'.

Maura's knocking on the door broke her thoughts, and she threw a pillow across the room to the wooden sound. "Jane, please open the door."

She didn't say anything; it was so much easier if she just reverted to her old set of mind. She couldn't remember anything about herself before, but with all the memories attacking her now, maybe that was better. "G-go away."

"Jane, what do you remember that is making you at like this?" Maura sounded incredibly tired on the other side of the door, and she bit her lip nervously. Quietly opening it, she looked at Maura somberly. She closed her eyes, quickly kissing Maura before stepping back into her room and slamming the door.

"T-that i-is why a-all this h-happened." She whispered, unsure if Maura could hear her from beyond the door. She crossed the room and fell face first onto the pillow, clutching it tightly as she fell asleep again.


End file.
